Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Anything To Get Famous

"Hey Taylor, you wanna go to Wal Mart with me?  I need to get a zipper for Eli's pants."
"Can I wear my pajama pants?"
"You can wear whatever you want, but you will take the chance of ending up on the POWM website."
"Oh, to get on there, I would roll them into a thong."

Monday, June 04, 2012

Talking In Line

Today as I was standing in line at DSW, waiting to check out, I saw a man waiting to checkout, but he was standing in the wrong place.  The cashier told him where the end of the line was, and he went behind me.  I told him he could go ahead of me, because he was there first, but he said it was ok.  I asked him if he wanted to play Rock Paper Scissors for the place in line.  He asked if I wanted two out of three and I said no, only one chance.  He threw paper (natch) and I threw scissors.  He told me I made his day, and we both left with a smile and a "have a great day".

Wednesday, May 30, 2012


Friends of ours had a washer and dryer they weren't using so they gave it to us for free.  I told them I would trade for glass.  So Tim and Kim Nafe, this one's for you.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Burn Baby, Burn

“Hey Kristi, know what would be a good idea?  Wear a SLEEVELESS top when you go fishing, and hey by the way FORGET your sunscreen!  That would be AWESOME!!!”

Wednesday, May 09, 2012


For John's Sibling Reunion Extravaganza, we rented a cabin (8 bedrooms, so not exactly a "cabin" cabin) in the mountains of Tennessee.  The marina on the lake was the only place that had wi-fi, so I trucked down every am and got a dose of Facebook.  One morning while I was sitting there, a guy was having a conversation with the marina manager, and I had to smile because he talked so fast and with that wicked Tenn. accent this is what I heard:
"Yeah, I  beee ba beee ba da na Nascar be dee wee dee bee naa lake, wee ha na de da fa rah gee bee me...y'all.
At least I think he said "Nascar"...

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Zero Blurt Control

I walked into a vitamin store today, and the lone employee met me near the door.  I was watching the ground so as not to trip on a doorjamb, and when I looked up I looked into the most icy blue eyes I have seen in a long time.
And I blurted.
"Holy cow, you have pretty eyes."
I was embarrassed at my lack of blurt control, but he was surprised and smiled.
Gonna have to try harder to control the blurts in the future, but at least I got a smile--and he'll have a story to tell, instead of another boring day at the vitamin store.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Red Solo Cup

Yesterday I went to Wallyworld to get the plates napkins and cups for an upcoming event.  Because I didn't want the "Red Solo Cup" song running in my head all week, I bought the blue ones.  The checkout lady said she sees more blue ones come through the line now than ever.  
I wonder how soon the lawyers will be setting up the suit.  Look out Toby.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Fun With Urology

Today I saw a billboard advertising an urologist's office.
"Do you ever laugh so hard that tears run down your leg?"
I laughed so hard I had to excuse myself.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Heading For Birmingham

Tomorrow I go from this:

To this:

Birmingham Hip Resurfacing. For looking at pictures of the "Minimally Invasive" surgery (that means they make a smaller incision, but stretch the hell out of your skin and muscles) I may wish I WAS in Birmingham.
Don't get me wrong, I am glad to have the opportunity to have this done, and end the pain that has plagued me for over a year. However, I probably shouldn't have looked at pictures of surgeries so close to "go" time, no matter how fascinating.
Wait, let me post one:
Oh, alright.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Best What?

Today on Facebook I saw an ad (Really? An ad on Facebook? No kidding!). "Win a dream Vacation" followed by a picture of a Best Western sign.
Sorry, but when my mind goes in the direction of dream vacation, I dream all inclusive resort not Best Western.
Silly me.

Thursday, March 08, 2012

Vocabulary Lesson

"Eli, why didn't you tell me you got a speeding ticket?"
"It's not a ticket, mom, it's a citation."

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Yeah, Yeah, I'll Stop

It's time to stop grinding glass when you use three fingers to guide the glass pieces and all three are bleeding.
But look at what I made--these will eventually be included in one of Pop's "forever flowers".
I think they are so cuter.

Friday, January 27, 2012

But It's Ok For You

Today at the thrift store I overheard a lady talking on her phone:
"I get so sick of dealing with those Honkys, they just (effin) piss me off."

Wonder how much trouble I would have gotten in if I had said that but inserted the "N" word.
And seriously, who says honky anymore?
What is it, 1975?

Bubble River

Thursday, January 26, 2012


Not something you want to see on the freeway.

Monday, January 23, 2012


Today I called a bakery in Havre de Grace Maryland to special order some banana cupcakes for Hannah's birthday. Hey--it's what she wanted, I always try to oblige.
They said they couldn't do it.
If you owned a bakery and someone from 1000 or so miles away called and wanted to special order something to be delivered across the street tomorrow, would you do it?
Give me a break. I would do everything I could to make sure it was done.
Man, customer service is circling the drain.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Ides

Taylor and I discussing something in March:
K: On the 15th? No way, that's the Ides.
T: The what?
K: The Ides of March, when Caesar was killed.
T: Who? The salad guy?

Saturday, December 31, 2011

And Now For The Election Season...

Democrat: What's the difference between a Republican and a trampoline?
Republican: Tell me.
Democrat: I take my shoes off before I jump all over a trampoline.

Depending on which side you like, feel free to switch the roles.

Thursday, December 29, 2011


John came up the stairs today wearing his blaze orange coveralls, donned in preparation for ice fishing.
"Man, I really need to wash those things," I said seeing how stained and dirty they were.
"Nah," Pops said, "if I keep this going, pretty soon they'll be camo."

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

School Daze

K: Eli, do you have school on Thursday, or are you done on Wednesday?
E: We have school Thursday, but you should take me out.
K: Why?
E: Because I hate it.

Nice try, son, nice try.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Ho Ho Show

Tonight as I was opening up a package of Ho Hos, Eli came up the stairs and flopped on the floor. I chucked a pack at him. He grunted and moved toward it with his head.
I told him I bet I could finish my pack before he could open his without using his hands.
He grabbed the pack with his teeth and shook it like a dog until Ho Hos were flying.
You'd think it would be an easy bet to win; all I had to do was eat two Ho Hos, right?
I was laughing so hard I almost choked, and he won the bet.