I read a book recently entitled "Parenting Teens with Love and Logic" by Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay. Excellent book, coming from a yeller mom's perspective, also very freeing.
The premise of the book is to allow your teens to make their mistakes and own their consequences. What? No yelling every five minutes to get the homework done, play the horn, clean the room? Never happen, right?
Wrong.
It has worked wonders with Eli, I have stopped "helping" with (ie: doing) homework, and he is doing really well. I tell him what is expected of him in the evenings and if it is not done, well consequences ensue. How wonderful it is not to carry the burden of your teen's responsibilities.
Like I said, freeing.
Now don't get me wrong, he still has to be reminded of things, but I would say 8 out of 10 times he does the things I ask the first time. Not bad, huh? He is a great boy, just needed me to stop leading him by the nose!
Most of the techniques take the burden from you and put it on the teen, as in: "I wonder if they have this class in summer school?" "I believe it says what to do on that instruction paper you brought home."
This has worked so well with Eli I thought I'd try it with another almost teen I know. Here's what I said: "I wonder what the consequences will be when I tell your parents that you are giving me a hard time?"
I know that sounds kind of threatening, but I still need practice...
I didn't have to mention it by the way.
11 comments:
You just did. :)
To his credit, he got right up and followed direction.
Smart boy.
Great tips. Got any good ones for a three year old little boy??
"yeller mom"...
Can you hear me all the way in Wisconsin?
Sometimes, this consequence method works for me.
Stacy, there is a book by those authors for younger children as well.
Kristi,
As teachers in Hudson we had training by this guy several years ago. I know he does classes around big cities because a friend of mine down here went to one in Orlando. Just a thought for people who are serious. Google the website and find where he is teaching a seminar next!
Heidi
Miss you all, but love to read your blog to keep up with the funnies of the day and your personalities!!
Wow, I think I'm buying that book now. I got 1-2-3 magic for the same reason when my kids were littler. I'd always hated hearing people count before getting that book and couldn't believe I was buying it but I was desperate.What I figured out was that it wasn't the counting I hated, but the lack of consequences TO the counting. It basically does the same thing as your book- it leaves the responsibility in their hands and you don't have to yell. Yelling is still easier, but 123 magic is a lot more peaceful. Thanks SO much for sharing this! I can't be counting a 16 year old now, can I? hee hee
Kristi,
Have I expressed lately what a nice kid Eli is? When Tim and Anna come to your house, Eli plays with them; actually interacting and treating them as equals rather than little kids. His willingness to be there for them has made him very special to Cheryl and I.
We hope to see a lot more of Eli and have him as an example of what Tim and Anna's attitude as a Christian kids ought to be.
Father in Heaven, pour out your blessings on our peeps, the Nosers as they are a blessing to us.
Swampy and Family
Thanks Swampy, I appreciate the compliment and so will Eli when I tell him what you said
Hudson schools still do these seminars. Mrs. Kupka--keep an eye out next Fall. We'll go together.
i too am tired of yelling. will try to find the book for the littles. i know that they would appreciate a little less yelling!
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