tell me about it

Yeah, Yeah, I'll Stop

2012-01-31T07:45:00.005-06:00

It's time to stop grinding glass when you use three fingers to guide the glass pieces and all three are bleeding.

But look at what I made--these will eventually be included in one of Pop's "forever flowers".

I think they are so cuter.

But It's Ok For You

2012-01-27T16:18:00.004-06:00

Today at the thrift store I overheard a lady talking on her phone:

"I get so sick of dealing with those Honkys, they just (effin) piss me off."

Well.

Wonder how much trouble I would have gotten in if I had said that but inserted the "N" word.

And seriously, who says honky anymore?

What is it, 1975?

Bubble River

2012-01-27T16:01:00.002-06:00

AUGGH!

2012-01-26T10:19:00.002-06:00

Not something you want to see on the freeway.

Bananot

2012-01-23T15:54:00.003-06:00

Today I called a bakery in Havre de Grace Maryland to special order some banana cupcakes for Hannah's birthday. Hey--it's what she wanted, I always try to oblige.
They said they couldn't do it.
Really?
If you owned a bakery and someone from 1000 or so miles away called and wanted to special order something to be delivered across the street tomorrow, would you do it?
Give me a break. I would do everything I could to make sure it was done.

Man, customer service is circling the drain.

The Ides

2012-01-10T04:53:00.003-06:00

Taylor and I discussing something in March:
K: On the 15th? No way, that's the Ides.
T: The what?
K: The Ides of March, when Caesar was killed.
T: Who? The salad guy?

And Now For The Election Season...

2011-12-31T17:16:00.002-06:00

Democrat: What's the difference between a Republican and a trampoline?
Republican: Tell me.
Democrat: I take my shoes off before I jump all over a trampoline.

Depending on which side you like, feel free to switch the roles.

Dirtcamo

2011-12-29T10:34:00.002-06:00

John came up the stairs today wearing his blaze orange coveralls, donned in preparation for ice fishing.
"Man, I really need to wash those things," I said seeing how stained and dirty they were.
"Nah," Pops said, "if I keep this going, pretty soon they'll be camo."

School Daze

2011-12-20T21:49:00.001-06:00

K: Eli, do you have school on Thursday, or are you done on Wednesday?
E: We have school Thursday, but you should take me out.
K: Why?
E: Because I hate it.

Nice try, son, nice try.

Ho Ho Show

2011-12-11T19:55:00.003-06:00

Tonight as I was opening up a package of Ho Hos, Eli came up the stairs and flopped on the floor. I chucked a pack at him. He grunted and moved toward it with his head.

I told him I bet I could finish my pack before he could open his without using his hands.

He grabbed the pack with his teeth and shook it like a dog until Ho Hos were flying.

You'd think it would be an easy bet to win; all I had to do was eat two Ho Hos, right?

I was laughing so hard I almost choked, and he won the bet.

Dove Love

2011-12-01T06:26:00.002-06:00

Dove chocolates, so delicious, so sappy.

I usually take minor offense and roll my eyes at the smarmy crap they print inside the wrapper, but was taken aback at the piece I opened yesterday.

"You're gorgeous" it told me.

Well, then, if you say so.

Credit to Miss V. for the blog idea.

Sign

2011-11-28T15:22:00.001-06:00

There is a sign at a gas station by our house, and it quite often has a funny quote, or saying on it. Yesterday as I was driving by I read:

IT'S NOT A CRIME TO BE POOR, BUT IT SURE IS INCONVENIENT AT LUNCH TIME.

Now that's funny right there.

Happy Birthday Ryan K!

2011-11-09T06:44:00.003-06:00

A friend "contracted" me to make this wicked hat for her husband for his birthday. I hope he wears it often. Really too bad I had to drink 2 of the beers before I could use the labels. Yeah, too bad. I do believe Surly Furious to be my new fave brew. Yum.

Introvert Action

2011-11-05T05:13:00.004-05:00

I'm not much of an introvert, I would rather be in a crowd of people than by myself, but I had some time to be an introvert yesterday. I went to a hotel with a friend where she had a conference, and while she was in the conference, I checked out of the room and spent the day in the gigantic pool room (the only warm place where there were no people) reading a book on her iPad--and snoozing in the sun. I don't remember reading a book in a day for a long time, pretty cool. Oh, and that iPad thing? Pretty cool, too.

I Love

2011-10-31T12:05:00.002-05:00

carving pumpkins. Here is our cell group and their creations.

Phone Play

2011-10-26T10:07:00.002-05:00

Today someone called church and when I answered, told me I wasn't the person they wanted to talk to. I said "ok" and hung up. Good thing my friend Erin can take a joke.

This Ain't How You Do It

2011-10-07T10:32:00.002-05:00

Pops and I went to the movie last night. I was pleasantly surprised at the $5 ticket, but really shocked at the $5.70 small popcorn--I passed.

I thought about that crazy price for a long time. Wouldn't it be smarter for them to charge $7 for the ticket--still a bargain compared to most of the theaters around--and $3 for the popcorn? I would have bought that popcorn without a thought.

I saw 3 people in the pretty-full theater with popcorn. 3 out of about 100 is not very good popcorn sales, not very good marketing strategy I'd say.

Shah, As If

2011-10-06T09:06:00.003-05:00

Eli opened the fridger the other day, looked at me and said, "Mom, why don't we EVER HAVE ANY FOOD?"

The Ax Man

2011-09-25T11:02:00.010-05:00

Here are some things you can see at this store-like-no-other:

The ever-hilarious rubber chicken

ancient TV camera

Oh my stars. Stainless steel thighs no less.

A whole bin of wooden NOT!

Their signs are so clever.

And, yes, ladies and gentlemen, last but not least....

an iron lung.

Gotta love it.

University Ave in St. Paul, a couple blocks west of Snelling. Go make a visit--you won't be disappointed, I promise.

Timmers' Reasoning

2011-09-17T19:30:00.002-05:00

We have the Stream littles for the weekend, took a trip to the Amery Fall Festival, and at the parade the two boys collected about a half of a gallon ziploc bag of candy.

I told them after dinner they could choose one piece. Tim chose a sour candy and downed it in record time. Nathan chose a lollipop, and Tim was upset.

"I wanted a suckah."

"Well," I said, "you made your choice, and you already ate it."

"But I didn't want that."

There's just no arguing with that logic, ya know?

Aye

2011-09-14T10:32:00.002-05:00

This Mama would like to send a HUGE thank you to Paddy Ryan's Irish Pub. Not only did they hire our son to work in the kitchen, they feed him once a shift. I and my fridger thank you, sirs.

Yes, I'm One Of Those

2011-09-12T14:47:00.002-05:00

A boy in our church broke his arm last week, and I saw him yesterday. I asked him if I could sign his cast, he said I could, and handed me a Sharpie (that's one prepared boy!).

I put my usual heart by my name, he looked at it and said,

"Ah, why'dja do that? Now people are going to think it's from a girl!"

Holy Shiitake!

2011-08-25T09:02:00.003-05:00

This is a shiitake mushroom John found in the garden yesterday. I put the bottle cap in the picture so you can see how ginormous this baby is. 8" across!

Before the Throne

2011-08-22T02:51:00.003-05:00

This is what I have stuck in my head this weekend. Enjoy! I pray it will be stuck in your head for a while as well. Love you Go Fish Guys!

Oh, by the way, the young man praying in the video is Micah Roby. Go Micah!

Peter Piper

2011-08-19T13:40:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I got a peck of jalapenos at the farmer's market. Our pepper plants are waterlogged this year and are producing nothing. As I am cooking them up I have a thought.

"Hey, I wonder how hot these are this year?"

So I popped a slice in my mouth.

Well.

15 minutes later and I'm still sucking air.

John's gonna love them.

Dear Hannah,

2011-08-16T15:43:00.005-05:00

miss

you

soooooooooooooooo

MUCH!!!

No Work For Young Men

2011-08-11T14:48:00.003-05:00

Eli and his friend took a day to go get a "free" car for said friend in-are you sitting down?-Buffalo Lakes MN. Yeah. At the end of that adventure, the car ended up in our front yard. Cars half taken apart in the front yard does not make for a happy Mama. I told him he was going to have to move the car and clean up all the crap they hauled out there to fix the car.

He said he would, but was waiting for his friend to come and help him.

I was not about to let him linger any longer on this project. "You get started without him, because if he doesn't show up, you're still gonna have to do it."

"Ok." he said.

A half-hour later the friend shows up and John looks out the front window. He looks at me.

"Uh-oh."

"What?"

"I don't think they're going to get it all done."

"Why not?"

"There's a girl out there."

"Uh-oh."

Sticky Bug

2011-08-05T10:00:00.004-05:00

On Thursday last week I had to drive to River Falls to pick up some stuff for VBS. There was a really pretty bug on my windshield when I stopped at the store, and it held on all the way back to Hudson. At 70mph. Can you believe it? Here is a picture of it, although you probably can't tell it from the landscape...it's the dot in the middle of the picture. Maybe if you click on the picture you can see it better, but really, only if you have the time.

Animaltruck

2011-08-04T09:57:00.000-05:00

I had to take a picture of this truck, it looks so much like an animal. I expected it to snort at me.

The Original Red Green

2011-08-03T10:24:00.000-05:00

See that chair? Yep, an old office chair. John found two of them that his work was throwing away and mounted them on squares of wood, which he then mounted on the bottom of the fishing boat. Most comfortable fishing trip ever.

BaWha?

2011-08-02T09:24:00.001-05:00

Dear Eli,

Taking a huge bite out of the cheese and putting it back in the fridger is unacceptable behavior.

I love you.

Mom

Troubles And Blessings

2011-07-26T11:56:00.004-05:00

I know it's been a while. This will be the official catch-up blog.

Our basement flooded whateverdayitwasmybrainismush and we had to rip out all of the carpet from the whole basement. I really had to put the "I hate to get my hands dirty" rule in my back pocket for a while and suck it up. Literally. We filled up the 10 gallon shop-vac 6 times. You do the math, I'm too tired.

But it was really a blessing because we have been intending to get rid of that carpet for a while now, and what was good about it? No dust. Yep, blessings in disguise. Even better was that our new neighborfriend was re-siding his house, and dropped all of the cedar siding off for a bonfire and we got to burn all that nasty carpet in one swoop.

This week is VBS week at our church and I have been putting in extra time getting ready for it. At the present count, we have over 400 children gracing the halls of our church from 9 to noon. 100 more than we were planning on, so I am taking daily trips to the store to get the extra stuff needed. Not to mention the HUGE trip we took to Sam's to start the week.

The blessing here is that I have a credit card I use exclusively for church purchases, and the rule at church is if you have a card you use for church, you get to keep the bonus points. Two words: Christmas fund.

Today I was taking a shower and no matter how far I turned up the dial, all I got was tepid water. Now that was ok last week when it was in the 100's, but not sa much this morning. Which can only mean one thing: A new water heater is on the horizon. I told John when he came home from work this morning, and he said, "Can you stand it one more day? I really can't fix that today if I have to work tonight." Little does he know (Mr. turn the water up all the way hot) it's gonna bother him way more than it bothers me.

This blessing has yet to be determined, but I will let you know.

Now you're all caught up, I'm gonna go take a nap.

Tadpoles To Toads

2011-06-30T10:10:00.005-05:00

This is "before". The daddy takes a ride from the mom, so as to be in the vicinity when the eggs are dropped.

Zillions of babies!

One of the toadlets. Look how tiny!

Fish Hit

2011-06-28T17:29:00.002-05:00

Say that three times fast willya?

Today I had a bright idea. Like a lot of my bright ideas, physics does not (in my mind) come into play. This makes for a few "uh oh" moments.

Today was no exception.

A few days ago I found a dead fish on the deck. He had flopped out of the makeshift "pond" (ie: blue plastic barrel) John made for the neighbor boy to fish in, as the real pond was full of tadpoles.

I chucked the fish into the tadpole pond, thinking the turtle in there might want a snack.

When I came home that afternoon I could not see the dead fish for the FEEDING FRENZY of tadpoles surrounding it.

Thing discovered: Tadpoles will eat a dead fish to the bones.

Yesterday as I was cleaning out the freezer I found a Ziploc bag of "bait" fish John had thrown in there and forgotten.

I took a couple and chucked them into the pond.

Today when I came home from work, the taddies had hardly touched the fish, but not for a lack of trying.

Here comes my bright idea--sans physics.

I thought, "If I hit that dead fish with a rock, it will squish and then the tadpoles can get to the good stuff without having to fight all those scales."

Know what happens when you hit a dead fish with a rock?

Splatter City. All over my shirt and pants with "fish hit".

I had to laugh at my stench-covered self, as I hurried into the house to get to the laundry room as soon as possible.

Sure glad Eli wasn't home, I'd never live that one down.

Payback

2011-06-26T05:29:00.002-05:00

The other day I was in Wally Mart and I got a strong feeling the boy behind me in line was not going to have enough money to pay for the toy he was buying, so I hung a little longer gathering my bags and heading away from the checkout. I was walking away when I heard the checker say, "Do you have another dollar?"

I walked back and handed her a dollar and the little guy thanked me.

Yesterday I found a dollar on the floor at Wally Mart.

Pretty cool, huh?

Oh, and yes, I spend way too much time at Wally Mart.

Done In Record Time

2011-06-17T20:42:00.000-05:00

The client was very happy and was thankful that she could surprise her husband on Father's Day! Whew!

No Way Play

2011-06-16T11:22:00.003-05:00

Have you heard of this?

The Book of Mormon

Some guy ("Elder") from the Mormon church just called here and asked if they could come to our church and have a question and answer session, because "there are many misunderstandings about Mormonism" in churches.

He alluded that the Mormon church is getting very popular; "We have a number one Broadway show going on right now" (even though he admitted that as an Elder, he did not watch tv or listen to the radio).

Well.

I Googled this particular Broadway play, which is written by the writers of South Park and if I were a Mormon, I would not be touting this play to get people to come to my church.

It would be like asking people to watch "The Last Temptation of Christ" to try to win people to Jesus.

Here is the Synopsis of Act I--taken from Wikipedia:

Synopsis

Act I

At the LDS Church Missionary Training Center in Provo, a devout, enthusiastic, handsome, pompous, over-confident missionary-to-be, Elder Kevin Price, leads his classmates in a demonstration of the door-to-door to attempt to convert people to Mormonism (“Hello”). One of the missionaries, Elder Arnold Cunningham, is an insecure, overweight, irritating liar who tries to join in, but is completely hopeless. Price believes that if he prays enough, he will be sent to Orlando, Florida ("Two By Two"); instead, Price and Cunningham are paired together and are sent to Uganda, Africa. After saying goodbye to their families, the two missionaries board a plane at the Salt Lake City airport. Price is sure he's destined to do something incredible, while Cunningham is just happy to have a best friend — one he met just the previous day. ("You And Me (But Mostly Me)").

Upon arrival in northern Uganda, the two are robbed at gunpoint by soldiers of a local warlord, General Butt-Fucking-Naked (which in false Ugandan is supposed to mean “bringer of doom” and is an allusion to the real General Butt Naked). After meeting their guide, Mafala Hatimbi, he and a group of villagers share their daily realities of living in appalling conditions of famine,poverty and AIDS, while being ruled by a despotic, murderous chieftain. The native Ugandans curse their existence by saying “Fuck you, God!” (“Hasa Diga Eebowai”). The Ugandans cope with their miserable lives by feigning happiness. Nabulungi, Hatimbi's daughter, shows Price and Cunningham to their living quarters. There, they meet the fellow missionaries stationed in the area, who have been unable to convert the locals to Mormonism. Elder McKinley, the district leader, offers Price and Cunningham a widely accepted method of dealing with the challenges of Mormon life (including McKinley's own repressed homosexual thoughts), inviting them to “Turn It Off” like a light switch. The others agree that their feelings must be hidden, at all costs. Though Price is riddled with anxiety, Cunningham reassures him, reminding him that he is his best friend and he will make an incredible impact on the village ("I Am Here for You").

Price is certain that he can succeed where the other Mormon Elders have failed, teaching the Ugandans about Joseph Smith, the "All-American Prophet". The Ugandans find him arrogant and are not impressed. Shortly after Price's attempt to dazzle the villagers, General Butt-Fucking-Naked arrives and announces his demand for the circumcision of all female villagers by week's end. The General silences the villagers' protests by killing one of them. Safely back at home, Nabulungi, moved by Price's promise of an earthly paradise, dreams of a better life in a new land (“Sal Tlay Ka Siti”). The villagers' needs are too much for Price, who decides to abandon his mission brother and request to be transferred to Orlando. Cunningham, ever loyal, assures Price he'll follow him anywhere. Price unceremoniously dumps his mission companion. Finding himself alone and heartbroken, Cunningham gains the courage to “Man Up” and take control when Nabulungi comes to him wanting to learn more.

I won't be running to the ticket booth, believe me.

Glass Fast

2011-06-15T11:21:00.003-05:00

A lady called me yesterday at work and asked me if I remembered that I said I'd do a glass piece for her. Of course I remembered (!), but I completely forgot she wanted it for Father's day.

Guess what I'll be doing for the next few days?

I worked on it a bunch last night and here it is in progress.

This is a fun one.

Wedding Sneak Away

2011-06-13T09:47:00.004-05:00

This post shall be subtitled "Take Your Medicine"

On Saturday my friends John and Jessy got married. A beautiful ceremony and two lovely people and lovers of God. An excellent combination.

However I am not here to talk about the wedding, although I loved it.

Since there was time between the service and the reception, a few of us decided to sneak across the street for a quick drink.

I always order a "Mike and Morgan" which is a drink a friend of mine made up. It is a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade, and a shot of the Good Captain on the side. A glass of ice, and voila'! You have a refreshing and tasty libation.

Well.

The drink itself is not exactly what is so funny, but the fact that the shot of Captain came to me in a cup not unlike the ones you see atop a new bottle of cough syrup.

Really?

I guess at this bar, an ounce is an ounce. Exactly.

So I took my medicine like a good girl. Didn't even need the spoonful of sugar.

Dogdial

2011-06-06T14:30:00.002-05:00

*Ring*